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Typical Piscean, dreamer, story teller in the tradition of my country, I love to write. I'm not sure that I'm any good at it, but getting the words down has its reward.

16 May 2009

Issues of Abandonment

Life has taken an interesting turn in the past year since Mum died. OH and I left home and moved back to the Ancestral Home. According to ED and YD it is the norm for the children to flee the nest, not the other way around. Both have developed the endearing habit of tilting a head to one side, fluttering an eyelash at whichever parent is the target audience and starting with "...of course, we won't get into my issues of abandonment...but a lift to the DART station would be sooo helpful...I'm running late".

They are still living in the marital home until such time as we put it on the market, and given the state of Ireland's economy, the housing market, life in the fast lane and whether it rains next Sunday or not [o.k., only kidding with the last two] that will not be anytime soon.

They appear on odd occasions to stay over, and life is very entertaining when you are not sure which one is going to appear on the door step next, how long each visit will be...it can be anything from a fortnight to a night, and now that ED is coming along very nicely with her driving, we expect that we may see her more often. Or not. Parking might have been an issue in the MH [marital home] but it isn't here, but then OH's car is no longer occupying the drive at the MH, so when she gets her full licence I expect there will be permanent occupancy of the MH; that is until the next cold sets in, food shortages [i.e., accusations that YD hasn't filled the fridge this week] occur or a plain old cuddle and a chat with Mum and Dad appeals.

YD works close to home, ED free lances and has become noted as being a Fridge Raider. ED has deemed it YD's job to do the weekly grocery shopping. YD's opinion is "Get your own - I never know when you'll be home". Whatever you thought you had in your fridge, once ED has been through the house [MH or AH - ancestral home] you can put your money safely on it that you will have nothing left by the time the whirlwind that is my lovely ED has passed by.

YD has decided that the time has come for her to purchase her own car, or "the jalopy" as she refers to it. Oh God! I hope so, and soon. Mum's taxi has been in business since the first day of school, and I would love to retire. Just as I sit down to blog, eat a bite, have a natter with whomsoever has dropped in - the phone rings and "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam, any chance of a lift" issues forth. The timing is perfect. ED wins the prize for the most calls; YD is more independent minded and likes to surprise us with her very welcome arrival.

I can spend hours alone wondering if the phone will ring and not a tinkle. Best Pal, Closest Cousin, Long Lost Schoolfriend may all ring, not to mention the funnies who want to know is this Mary they are speaking to, or Sheila, or the Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Butter and Bacon Butties" but the little bunnies will safely hoard their texts, or calls, until Good Old Mum or Good Old Dad is sitting down to watch the news, read the newspaper, catch up on the days doings with each other or even, God help us, eat a meal together.

Piece by piece I have been swapping furniture and bringing up more and more of my own, lovingly collected over nearly 30 years. Ornaments, pictures, you name it, they have been swapped with what I don't want to keep of Mums, and ED has taken the hump. Last Tuesday night I was informed that Gran's old dining table looks lonely sitting in the middle of the dining room all alone, and she is getting traumatised. Apparently she wonders each time she returns to the MH will her bed still be there. As she has taken over our old bedroom, she has nothing to worry about. Since we moved, in a rare display of mutual agreement they have decided on 3 months in the 'rents bed for you, and 3 months for me, turn and turn about. The 'rents shift whoever the occupant is out of it a couple of times a month. At this stage we nearly need permission to return to our old matrimonial bed. Oh well, I don't miss that spring that was starting to make itself felt last year; glad its on his side not mine too.

Still, despite the calls at "that moment" and the "issues of abandonment" [comment delivered to a guilt ridden absentee Mum with large smile] I look forward to the day I will have them both living here, the old MH gone [with some sort of profit to show for itself] and two new or nearly new cars parked out beside OD's and mine.



Irish Eyes, I enjoyed this blog, as I can relate to it all very well. We left home too for 3 years, when the girls were at University, as Tigger was managing a company in Wales, and we commuted to Chester every week.We gave them an allowance, my car, and let them work it out for them selves.I was very amused as they are opposites, with Palomina being the organizer. She(With never a hair astray) did the general cleaning and organizing, and Mush did the gardening, toilets, and grotty jobs. It worked extremely well. They,who would only shop in Killiney Shopping Centre,suddenly switched to Tesco, "as it is just good value, Mum"! Amazing when handling money themselves, as I was to see when they got married and started wearing Polo necks instead of skimpy T shirts to cut down on heating bills.All this wonderful help faded when we returned home, as they said "I was just Mum again"!
I think its all so exciting for you, and I'd certainly wait to sell.Must catch up on your blogs.

By the way, you can get free horse manure from guy in Kilternan if you need some. His name is Tim Duggan: 086 062 5507.

Calico Kate said...

I too enjoyed this post IE from the daughter side rather than the mother side!
I also enjoyed Tiggy's comment!
A French sound word verif 'mersi' I want to say "You're welcome!"

Frances said...

Irish Eyes,

Your lovely post tells me that home is where the heart is!

I also enjoyed Tiggy's comments about her two daughters. Think that you all might have much in common!


Pondside said...

Lovely post! Life is never really simple - but would you want it any other way? It sounds as though your girls are working things out. I hope you'll sell your place for a nice fat profit and have the whole family under one roof soon.

laurie said...

interesting about you moving back to the ancestral home; i remember reading on this blog quite some time ago that you were thinking about doing this.

while i was in dublin last week i read nuala o'faolain's new novel, "best love, rosie," in which the protagonist falls in love with her grandfather's seaside home on the wexford coast.

some of what she writes about might resonate with you.